You snap angrily at a co-worker about a mistake on a document. You are overwhelmed at work with deadlines and burst into fear or tears.
Joe Wilson screams "you lie" to President Obama in his 2009 speech.
Serena Williams swears at a line judge in the 2009 US Open and loses the final to Kim Clisters.
Anne Kreamer in a recent Time Magazine article reports from the Emotional Incidents at Work Survey, that frustration is the most common emotion at work and 60% of workers have seen their boss get angry at someone at work in the last year.
We have all had the experience of doing something in the heat of the moment that we regretted later. Our reaction flew out of the gate before we could catch it. It's like our rational mind stopped and what came out not only surprised us but everyone else around. You end up saying,"How could I do that, what could I have possibly been thinking?"
Well, in reality you weren't thinking you were overwhelmed with an emotional reaction. Smart people acting stupid! Where did you IQ points go? Your IQ drains quickly like a cold beer on a hot day. It is like losing 10 to 15 IQ points temporarily, which explains "what was I thinking?" So you are thinking but with less capacity and brain power. You were hijacked!
In his most recent book, The Brain and Emotional Intelligence, Goleman states, "when hijacked we can't remember other things, we can't learn, we rely on over learned habits and we can't innovate or be flexible." Thus temporarily our IQ is minimized and it's why we end up saying "what was I thinking." The good news is that it is temporary and there are things you can do to keep yourself emotionally fit.
See below some things you can do to change and rewire your brain or in fancy terms "self-directed neuroplasticity." The mind changes with conscious attention and focus. Neuroscientists say "neurons that fire together wire together." Your ability to recharge and recover from stress will prevent the next hijack from happening.
How to Counteract IQ Drain with your EQ Gain?
1. Give your brain a recess. Think of young kids in school, when the bell rings for recess. They yell and scream with free time. Your mind needs a recess to wander in an unstructured manner. Often in this recess, an idea or solution may emerge regarding an issue you have been dealing with. That may mean taking some regular "hammock time" this summer with no agendas.
2. Turn off the TV or radio if you don't consciously want to get news or entertainment. This is so you don't burn critical brain resources by stimulating a fear response without knowing it.
3. Catch your default drains. The default for the brain is to think about yourself and your relationships. If this default mode lands on being self critical of your performance or some injustice done to you, you are draining brain resources without knowing it and setting up a hijack.
4. Clear the deck. Focus on something else for a while or talk to a friend who is positive to change your sense of overwhelm. Allow the prefrontal cortex and your working memory to recharge.
5. Seed your Unconscious. Give your unconscious instructions to work on an issue in the background as you focus on something else.
6. Consciously focus on a future endeavor that you are excited about. The brain gets activated when anticipating a future goal or actions. This energy also starts pulling you toward this event or solution like a magnet.
7. Practice a mindfulness exercise. Focus on your breathing or really stay focused on what you are doing in the moment. Feel your body in space as you sit or move. Meditation, yoga, walking or a massage are ways to allow the prefrontal cortex to recharge and gain your IQ points back.
8. Plan and think about your summer vacation. Research shows that planning your summer vacation can help put you in a better mood. So it's an added vacation benefit without the gas price stress.
9. Aerobic exercise. Getting oxygen in your system with good rigorous exercise three times a week or more will help refresh your brain and your body.
10. Have fun, laugh and connect. Focus on what fun you can have by yourself or with others. Make someone laugh with playful teasing so you both smile. Think about truly telling someone how you feel about them when it is positive, it will lighten your day and theirs, and both of your brains.
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“There is really too much in this book. If you practiced on a regular basis just 10 of the 108 strategies presented in the book, you would be heads above your competition and miles closer to your goals. The trick is determining which 10 are best for you.” Dr. Relly Nadler, Psy.D. (2010) “I read Leading with Emotional Intelligence and I was quite impressed. You did a great job presenting the material in a straightforward, credible way; more important, your process for building the EI competencies is both very practical and sensible. Nice job.” Bill Tredwell, Vice President, Hay Group, Inc. “Relly Nadler, one of the world’s foremost executive coaches, provides the reader with detailed and easy-to-use practices to make you and your leaders superstars. One of the most valuable leadership books available!” Jeffrey E. Auerbach, Ph.D., President, College of Executive Coaching, Author of Personal and Executive Coaching “Nadler's Leading with Emotional Intelligence is a great way for both leaders and coaches to learn and grow. EI is powerful. It is an essential element for both business and coaching and when integrated with wellness, is a strong formula for success. Read this book, apply it and the positive effects for you and your firm will be the reward.” Cathy L. Greenberg, PhD Co-Author of What Happy Companies Know Managing Partner, h2c, LLC , Happy Companies, Healthy People “If you’re looking for the plays and strategies to raise Emotional Intelligence, this is the handbook.” Jack Canfield, Co-creator, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Co-author, The Success Principle ™
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